Sometimes it's refreshing to glance back through some of my earlier posts. To take a quick jaunt down memory lane; languishing in memories past.
But sometimes it's not as refreshing. Sometimes it make me painfully aware of how neglected this blog has become and how much my posts have evolved over the last 226 entries.
First I think about how busy my days have become and how blogging has fallen to the bottom of the priority list (although still higher than cleaning the toilet). Second I think about how much my writing has changed. I read some of my older posts and I feel as though they've been written by another person. Where did that humor go? That eloquence and wit? My initial thought is they diminished in correlation to the increase in my age and stress level.
But then secondary thoughts to start to creep in. Is that humor and eloquence still there? Is it just overshadowed by exhaustion and workload? Is it like my memory that slowly slips away with age?
As the wheels begin to spin faster and faster my thoughts jump from one topic to another. With no two seeming to be linear. I jump from feeling badly about not blogging, to feeling badly about my writing to feeling badly about so many other aspects of my life.
Damned self destructive cycle.
But sometimes it's not as refreshing. Sometimes it make me painfully aware of how neglected this blog has become and how much my posts have evolved over the last 226 entries.
First I think about how busy my days have become and how blogging has fallen to the bottom of the priority list (although still higher than cleaning the toilet). Second I think about how much my writing has changed. I read some of my older posts and I feel as though they've been written by another person. Where did that humor go? That eloquence and wit? My initial thought is they diminished in correlation to the increase in my age and stress level.
But then secondary thoughts to start to creep in. Is that humor and eloquence still there? Is it just overshadowed by exhaustion and workload? Is it like my memory that slowly slips away with age?
As the wheels begin to spin faster and faster my thoughts jump from one topic to another. With no two seeming to be linear. I jump from feeling badly about not blogging, to feeling badly about my writing to feeling badly about so many other aspects of my life.
Damned self destructive cycle.
2 comments:
Big hugs to you, and want you to know you're not alone. BTDT for sure. Our blog would have more posts if I remembered what I was doing by the time I had my Firefox window open. Typically by the time I open a window, I've forgotten what I needed to do/look up/pay.
I know that intelligent, smart woman is in there somewhere. Time to do something that helps you get her back to the surface.
We often feel stress to be everything to everyone. The only person who expects you to do more is you. Try to lighten up on yourself. I love you!
Amen, I sometimes wonder if the intelligent, ambitious me will ever resurface after the stay-at-home and be a mom time period ends. I can only hope that the other me hasn't disappeared forever.
However, there are probably things about that old me that are better left in the past. I really wish sometime, that I could finish defining myself as I like it and that was the end of it. However, it seems like life is a constant redefinition of me, whether I like it or not.
Okay, enough trying to wax philisophical (see, I don't think I can even spell anymore). I love you girl, you are amazing and you can do it.
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