August 3, 2009

Alternate Location

My last post here was posted the middle of June -- right as it felt like the world was crumbling around me. I was talking about the rain and the dreariness, asking for sunshine. In part I was talking about the weather; in part I was talking about me internally.

There was a handful of small things that when they all came together it became too much for me to handle. Losing my job was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It sent me into a tailspin of depression and anxiety.

I've dealt with depression before. I knew the signs that signaled I needed outside help. Barely 10 minutes into my first therapy session, my counselor was saying I fit all the signs of clinical depression. She referred me to a nurse practitioner in town that dealt really well with women and depression. I set up an appointment to discuss running blood work to ensure it wasn't hormonal/metabolic.

A few therapy sessions, a couple week of anti-depressants, and some sleeping pills combined to help me get my life back on track. I realized how much of an ass I was being to my husband. How the lack of communication, love and respect mainly came down to my attitude and resentment that stemmed from my working situation. Being unemployed allowed me to focus my attention back on me, my marriage, my child and my house. It helped me to start getting it all back in line.

Which is good. Very good. Because with that initial blood work my nurse practitioner ordered a brain MRI to rule out MS (there's family history). Good news is that I do not have MS; other good news is after 20 years we might have figured out what has been at the root of these knock-down, drag-out headaches. Bad news is that it deals with my brain. And more importantly, it warrants a trip to Salt Lake City to meet with a neurosurgeon.

I have a chiari malformation. I'm not sure what lies ahead. But in order to keep everyone updated should my prognosis include surgery, I've set up a separate blog. If you want to follow along, I'd love to have you join me on this journey. All I ask is that you don't mention this space when you are there. I don't want the two places connected if possible. There is also considerably less anonymity on my other blog, please respect that.

For right now, I don't know how much I'll post here. My intent is not to abandon this space completely.


Flying Monkeys said...

I'm totally going to tell. Bwahahahaha!

Kristen said...

Your secret is safe. :D

I am SO glad to hear that you are focusing on what is important. Your marriage and your family is THE most important thing in the world.

Polly Gamwich said...

I meandered over to your other site and I wanted to comment ... but might people find you here if you have a ton of infertiles commenting over there?

Just wondering if I can comment as myself over there?

Anonymous said...

i was fairly certain that the sun you were looking for wasn't just the big yellow one in the sky.

i will post over there - but not link to my blog. that way i just look like a random friend of yours with no known fertility issues! lol.


Jessica said...

Hoping to hear something from you soon :) Miss your regular posts...