March 30, 2006

For today's effort, I deserve some ice cream

I casually glanced over the daily shot of progesterone I'm being given when I announced to you that I am pregnant. Partially because I was still in denial myself. Partially because I was hoping that maybe my doctor would call one day and say, "hey, why don't you just quit taking the progesterone".

Obviously the doctor's office hasn't called renouncing us of our daily, after-work ritual.

I give C a ton of credit though. He's horribly afraid of needles and has done an amazing job so far. Minus the one incident last week where we both ended up in tears (he jabbed, I cried, he pulled the needle out, I cried again and then got really mad because I had to be jabbed again). The process has become less intimidating over the past two weeks but it's still rather painful. We alternate "sides" every day but the 48 hour interval doesn't give the muscle much time to heal between injections. But deep down I'd much rather be on the receiving end than the giving end.

Today, unfortunately, I got the short end of the stick. Both of them.

C found out yesterday afternoon that he had to travel today for work. Meaning that either I had to find someone to pinch-hit for him today or I'd be wielding that 22 gauge needle myself. Considering I have very few close friends out here and even fewer that I'm comfortable enough with to expose my butt cheeks to, all day long I dreaded coming home by myself. I knew what sat on the bathroom sink waiting for me.

I got everything prepped just the way C does it. Even turned the tv on in the bedroom for some background noise. I grabbed a hunk of flab on the outside of my upper thigh and broke out in a cold sweat. I couldn't bring myself to "jab" the needle the way the nurse taught us so I placed it against the hunk of flab and "pushed" it through the surface. It hurt no worse than plucking a stray eyebrow. I then managed to push the needle all the way in and slowly (like molasses in January slowly) oozed the gunk into my leg.

For that, I deserve some ice cream!

Still don't know if I could do this by myself every day, but at least I know that if I get in a tight spot, I have a back up plan.

March 23, 2006

A story for the ages (Final part)

After we returned from Kathmandu the last few weeks of the study abroad were somewhat of a blur. Obviously C and I spent a ton of time together, just about every free second. It didn't take too long for the rest of the group to figure out what was going on. Most people were okay with it, although a couple knew Kyle and kept hinting they were going to e-mail him and break the news. I had made the decision that I would wait until I was back in Michigan to tell him. I still believed that he deserved a face to face conversation.

Somewhere in the midst of the last couple of weeks, C told me that he loved me. We were sitting up on the roof of my house just as the sun was setting. He pulled out his journal and began reading this incredible poem that he had written. (Yeah, he used to be that sentimental.) At the end he looked me in eyes, told me he loved me and said that f we never spent another day together once we were back in Michigan, he'd still consider the trip the most incredible experience of his life. Without a doubt I knew that we'd be together when all was said and done.

We flew back to Michigan on Good Friday of 1999. My family, Kyle and my best friend Jenn were all at the airport to greet me. I cried almost the whole flight from Newark to Detroit, scared of what I had to face when I got off the place. Deep down inside I was terrified that Kyle would ask me right there in the airport to marry him. Thankfully, he didn't.

Against my better judgment, I didn't break up with Kyle over the weekend since it was Easter. I figured there would be plenty of time the week after. Late that night on Easter Sunday I drove back to Michigan State, to wrap up a paper from an independent study course. Partially, I was in a hurry to get closer to C and to spill the beans to Jenn. I knew that she was smart enough to start putting two and two together. More importantly I think I was trying to hide from the inevitable.

Early in that week I broke up with Kyle. It was ugly. I'm sure to this day he calls me every name in the book, with a few extra expletives thrown in for good measure. I chickened out somewhat, not telling him the full truth. I told him that my trip had shown me that we were too different, that it wouldn't work. I omitted the part about C, figured I didn't need to add insult to injury. I am honestly sorry that I hurt him the way I did. I never expected to go around the world and fall into the most incredible relationship. I had no intentions of doing so, it just happened.

There was one major problem that I've totally forgotten to mention. C graduated from MSU just a month after we returned from the trip. He had already accepted a job in Wisconsin with an incredible company and was scheduled to start working the beginning of June. I was planning on moving back to my mom's for the summer. It was an 8 hour drive from my mom's to where C was working! 8 hours! How were we going to handle the long distance "thing"? It wasn't going to be just for the summer either, when I went back to MSU it was still 5 hours away.

From there, life hit the fast-forward button (here's a recap to help put this all into perspective)
  • January 15 1999 ~ Left Detroit.
  • February 3 ~ Jack died.
  • February 11 ~ Royal Chitwan National Park.
  • March 4 ~ Kathmandu.
  • April 2 ~ Came home.
  • May 8 ~ Went with C to Wisconsin to see a friend graduate. He asks me to come with him to Wisconsin for the summer.
  • June 1 ~ Moved to Wisconsin.
  • August 1 ~ C asks me to stay in Wisconsin. I agree.
  • August 19 ~ He asks me to marry him. I say yes.
  • February 19 2000 ~ Wedding.
Yup, only 13 months from the start of our Nepal trip to our wedding date. My parents and friends freaked out when I told them we were getting married. I know that everyone thought we were crazy. I know they were concerned that we hadn't been together long, that I wouldn't finish school.
But here we are, 6 years later and going strong. Much stronger than we've ever been. We've had our bumps along the way but we've worked our way through them.

I'll never fully understand what led me to the Nepal trip. There was just always a mysterious intrigue about it. However, I'll never question what happened while I was there.

March 20, 2006

We interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast... bring you a word from our sponsor.

My dear friends,

I feel as though I have been lying to you for the past few days. It's time though that I face the music and come clean. There's been a secret bubbling away in my life. Dancing and singing in the background, fighting its way to the forefront. Screaming to let itself be known. Today I'm giving it it's voice. Allowing it to be heard.

Let me preface it by saying, I do not take back anything that I said in my previous posts about Dr. DoNothing. I still think he's a quack and I'm very frustrated with his office. However, even though we had a disagreement of sorts and I struggled to have faith in his plan of action, I guess the man knew what he was talking about. Low and behold.


Much to the surprise of C and I, when my period didn't show up a week ago I brought out the trusty pee sticks and had a go at it. Two beautiful, unmistakably positive lines. Blood work on Monday, Wednesday and Friday reiterated what the pee sticks had told us. The hcg levels in my blood were rising. Although slow at first, they're now right on track. As a further precaution, C gets to stick a 22 gauge needle into my backside every day, pushing into my muscle a single, thick, gooey cc of progesterone. The story of our injections will come at another day. I need to become a little more comfortable with it before I divulge that tidbit to the world.

So now we wait. Until April 5th, when I have my "viability ultrasound" with Dr. DoNothing. I'm hesitant, terrified and overjoyed. All rolled into one neat little package. A bloated, emotional, exhausted package. But I'll take every single bit of it. After everything that I've been through in the last year I don't think it's possible to not be hesitant and terrified. I'm trying to let my joy and optimism rein. I have a wonderful support system who makes this much, much easier. Even when I struggle to be optimistic, my friends and family are optimistic enough for them and myself. I am so thankful for this, especially last week when my hcg levels were on the slow side.

C is incredibly optimistic. #1 because we did it on our own, unlike both pregnancies last year where I needed the help of clomid to kick start my body. #2 because my uterus is "squeaky clean" and a "damn fine place" for a baby to lay its head for nine more months. He's still not sure of sticking a needle in my butt everyday but has decided that he'll do what it takes.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers (if you're the praying type). I need all the positive support I can get.


and now, back to the program...

March 19, 2006

A story for the ages (Part IV)

Whew...who would have ever thought I could be this long winded? Actually, probably everyone who knows me in real life fully understands that I take twenty minutes to tell a 30 second story. No wonder C tunes me out so often.

After we returned from our trip to Royal Chitwan National Park (which was in week 4 of our trip) C and I started to get questions from the other students, pertaining to the status of our "relationship". Both of us were quick to say that we had relationships back home and we were only friends. I'm not exactly sure who we were trying to convince, ourselves or our peers. Many believed this; a couple of people saw right through the lie. I guess they saw what we were trying to desperately to figure out.

It seems as though we both took a step away from one another at this time. I knew that I needed to figure out my head and my heart. I began to wonder if my vision was clouded because of the time I was spending with him. I focused more on spending time with the family I was living with and with some of the other girls on the trip, mainly Carrie, Meghan and Dana. Much to my surprise, during this time, C broke up with his girlfriend in Michigan. Perhaps he was quicker to admit what was going on.

Time away from C made me realize how much I enjoyed being with him. How much he made me laugh, how good he made me feel. I began dodging phone calls from Kyle and writing terse e-mail messages, skimming over the details of my daily adventures. I came to the realization that our relationship wasn't going to work. No matter what developed with C, I couldn't see myself having a life with Kyle anymore. But I felt that he deserved more than a phone call or an e-mail telling him so. I decided to wait until I got home to break the news to Kyle. Looking back, I don't know if this was the best way to handle the situation. Unfortunately, it's what I ended up doing and I can't undo what I've done.

The couple of weeks after our Chitwan field trip are somewhat of a blur to me. Somewhere after the soul searching C and I found one another again. We began spending most of our free time together but tried to make sure there was always one or two other people there as well, so it didn't appear obvious. Come to find out later, it was. Everyone on the trip knew what was brewing. Which supports everything my mom always taught me about being sneaky, that I would get found out.

On week 7 of our trip we spent a week in Kathmandu and I think this is really the defining time in our relationship. Thursday afternoon we did not have lectures and were free to do whatever we wanted. Dana and I had gone to the textile district and put in orders to have some beautiful dresses made. I had left a note for C at the hotel, telling him where we'd be if he wanted to meet up with us for dinner. Not surprising, he found us quickly. He had the most amazing knack of finding his way around places. I'd think we were totally lost and with a turn of a corner he'd have us right where we needed to be.

But anyways, we ended up meeting with a bunch of friends for dinner. As the night wore on most of the group dissipated, leaving C and I alone. As usual. We ended up on the roof of this Italian restaurant (yeah, we're in Kathmandu, eating Italian) with a bottle of wine. The city stretched out in front of us and we sat there watching the lights, listening to the noise below and the truth started to come out. I told him how I was feeling. How I didn't want to be with Kyle anymore, that I couldn't see myself with him long term anymore. But even with the wine I was too afraid to tell C how I felt about him. I was too afraid to open myself up totally.

Fortunately I think he saw everything that I was too scared to say. At the door to my hotel room that night, he leaned in and kissed me gently. Without saying a word, he walked away...leaving my mind spinning and my knees shaking...

March 14, 2006

A story for the ages (Part III)

The morning of February 3, the phone rang in the living room as we were eating breakfast. Elsa, the young girl in the house answered and yelled for me. I was surprised to hear that it was Kyle. He usually called me on the weekends when he was at his parents and could put it on their phone bill. Right off the bat I knew something was horribly, horribly wrong.

"Jack's dead."

I just about dropped the phone. I felt my knees start to go weak and I grabbed for the arm of the couch to steady myself.


"Amanda, Darron found Jack dead in his bed this morning. Jack's gone."

Right here is where I opened my mouth and what came out totally changed the outcome of the rest of my life.

"Oh my god. How's Darron?"

Not, "Oh my god honey, how are you?" But instead, "How's Darron?" Probably not the best thing to do. Don't ask about a friend's well-being when your boyfriend just called to tell you one of his good friends passed away.

Let me explain this so it makes a little more sense. Darron was one of my best friends. The type of male friend that Kyle had continuously been jealous of, since the very first time we went out. D and I had been great friends for a couple of years. We had actually started out as friends, I then broke up with a boyfriend of 18 months for him, we dated for a while and then decided (I decided) we were better off as friends. Surprisingly enough, we stayed extremely close. D and Jack lived together and I had spent a ton of time over with the two of them before Kyle and I started dating. Kyle and Jack had been really good friends for a couple of years as well. Jack had been born with heart problems and the doctors told him parents that he'd never live to see his first day of school. Jack had proven them all wrong. He had beat the odds and lived every day to the fullest. He truly was one of those people who you were inspired by, who you were thankful to have in your life. Simply put, he was amazing. I knew that he was as close to D as D's own family was.

Seems as though Jack's heart just decided to give out in his sleep the night before. Darren went in to wake him up before he left for work and Jack wouldn't wake up. The news quickly spread within the College of Agriculture and Natural Resources. Kyle called me to break the news.

My first thoughts were of Darron and how he was handling the situation. I wanted to hop on a plane and be there to help him get through it. Kyle explained to me when the funeral would be and that Jack's parents had asked him and Darron to both speak at the service. I thought of what Darron would say and knew that he'd had everyone in the room in tears. I wondered who would sit with him during the rest of the service and be his strength. No thoughts of being home to be with Kyle, no thoughts of helping him get through this difficult time. I knew that his parents would be there for him. His mom would be all that he really needed.

The next couple of days for me were incredibly difficult. I'd sit on the roof, looking at the mountains and cry. I cried because I couldn't be there for Darron; I cried because Jack was gone; I cried because I had wonderful memories of time spent with Darron and Jack together. And I cried because I knew that being so far away (a two day trip by air) would be horrible if something happened to someone else that I needed to be home for.

The other students on the trip were fantastic. At least some of them were. I doubt that some of them even thought twice or showed an ounce of sympathy over the situation. Some brought cards and others just gave hugs. But everyone was forced to contemplate the same things I had been. They all knew that it would be a difficult choice if they were to receive a similar phone call. We all began to think about who mattered enough in our lives that we would cancel the rest of the trip and fly home for. And pray that you actually made it home in time.

The week after Jack passed we went on our first, week-long field trip that ended in Royal Chitwan National Park. A couple of days before we left, C had approached me and asked how I was doing (remember, he was part of the group I hung out with). He told me the story of losing a good friend in High School and I knew in his expression and tone of voice that he really cared about how I was handling things. He said if I ever needed to talk to let him know. I took his offer to heart. We spent a great deal of time on the field trip together, talking about Jack and his passing and anything and everything else. I found myself losing hours at a time to our conversations, never realizing how much time had lapsed.

The second turning point came on one of the last nights of our field trip. Ever since Jack's death I had spent a lot of time wondering about my future with Kyle. I knew that it signified something that I was more concerned about Darron when Jack died than I was about him. C and I were up on the roof of his cabin one night after the group activities had finished. We started into one of our lengthy conversations, meandering from one topic to the next. It had dawned on me earlier that day that I was starting to have feelings for him. I didn't know however if they were true or if they were "convenient". Here I was spending time with this guy, but had a boyfriend back home waiting for me. Was it just because C was there when I was at such a weak spot in my life?

C had a girlfriend back home and I had Kyle waiting for me. That night, up on the roof, our conversation drifted towards talk of our relationships back home. I voiced my concerns about Kyle. I knew that it wasn't right to spend so much time with other people (especially those of the opposite sex) and think so little of my boyfriend. We danced around the topic of him and I, hinting that there was something brewing. But neither one of us was bold enough to voice it outright. Deep down I hoped he would say he had similar feelings. That he would say something revolutionary. Much to my dismay and relief it didn't happen.

As the night drew darker and darker I found myself back in my own cabin, my thoughts racing. I questioned my feelings about Kyle, my feelings about C and I questioned myself. I felt so comfortable with C and loved how we could talk about so many things. He made me laugh and made me feel good about myself. And more than anything I think he was the first guy who truly saw me for who I am.

Had I gone halfway around the world to stumble into the most profound relationship or my life? Or was I about to destroy everything good that I had waiting at home for me...

And for tonight's photos...the field trip brought us face to face with some of the most magnificent animals of Nepal and the conservation programs established to preserve these wonderful creatures...Kris, this is for you my friend, I apologize there's only one picture with the baby elephant.

March 10, 2006

A story for the ages (Part II)

I apologize for the lapse in the storyline...I've had good intentions to post, just poor follow-through...

As the group spent more and more time together, inside the classroom and at the local hangouts (i.e. the bars at Fewa Tal) we began to segregate ourselves into smaller groups within the whole. Many of the students on the trip acted as if they had something to prove--as if they were going to save Nepal and all of its inhabitants in the 12 weeks we threw trash into their poorly designed waste management system and consumed more gallons of hot water than typical Nepalese people do in a year. I'm sure that I was quick to judge everyone and file them into neat little categories, but it seemed as though a fair number in the group had similar labels. To sum it up they were spoiled, environmentalist, vegetarian/vegan hippies on a mission to save a third world country. (Not that I have anything against any of the preceding lifestyle choices. It just seemed that all of those choices wrapped up together made for some very interesting folk.)

And don't let me forget opinionated. As I mentioned before, this was a multidisciplinary trip. We learned about the political system, education, family structure, religion, geography, etc. I was fascinated, and at times appalled, by this country that was so different from the US. I knew however that I had to accept the way things were done, that I couldn't change it myself. Some of these people argued about every subject we studied, tried to explain to the professors about how wrong the "system" was and the best ways to improve it. I knew that 31 students from the US wasn't going to make any impact on Nepal, that Nepal would have to find its own way, on its own terms.

Don't get me wrong, I made some amazing friends on this trip. People who I will never forget, the memories I share with them I will always hold close to my heart. Unfortunately just many whom my views are quite different from. Different enough that a day to day friendship might be hard to establish.

It seemed as though the group pretty much divided itself based upon our eating habits. Of the 31 students we had three vegans. Two of which were very staunch and caused numerous conflicts throughout the trip. Many of the meals we ate while on the road would be served family style. We'd all gather around long tables and dishes of food would be passed around to everyone. It was hard to request that dishes be prepared containing absolutely no animal products. Ghee (clarified butter) is typically used to prepare most dishes and there weren't many other alternatives available. The third vegan was understanding and although believed 100% in his choices, he made exceptions where necessary. He understood that there were times that it just wasn't feasible to request the meal be dictated towards him. Unfortunately, because of the attitudes of the two participants, the trip coordinators decided it would be necessary for future program participants to indicate their preferences. At one time I had even heard them say that they wouldn't allow vegans on the trip unless they were willing to be open minded.

Of the other 28 students, I think there were only 5 or so who ate meat regularly. Which caused for some interesting discussions during those communal meals. There were some students who would eat meat occasionally, others who were strict vegetarians. The "meat eaters" of the group were students who came from middle-class, rural, hard working families. So it wasn't any surprise that we started spending time with one another as we had similar upbringings, similar opinions. When everyone finally found their place within our own little caste system, there were seven of us who tended to congregate together: Carrie, Meghan, Dana, myself, Jon, Jeff & C.

Ever since I left Detroit, I had this nagging feeling that I wasn't missing Kyle enough. That I was a horrible girlfriend because my thoughts were not constantly on him. I kept telling myself as time went on my feelings would intensify, that I would begin to miss him more. When he'd call to talk to me I had little interest in what was going on in his life. It all seemed so mundane to me compared to the things I was doing and seeing. He just wanted to talk about how much he missed me, how much he wanted me to come home, how much he regretted "letting" me go on this trip. I found myself finding excuses to get off the phone quickly. My letters home filled up pages with descriptions of the people I'd met, the places I'd seen, the culture I was immersed in. Very little was mentioned about our relationship, about how I wanted things to be when I got back to Michigan State.

On February 3, 1999 two phone calls threw my world into upheaval...

March 7, 2006

A story for the ages (Part I)

The story of C and I is quite unique, one that will be fun to tell future generations someday. It's definitely one that not many people can copy, which is what makes it fun.

I started out my college years at Michigan State University, majoring in Agricultural Education. Pretty simply, I wanted to be a High School ag teacher. Yup, I am a dork. The College of Agriculture and Natural Resources at Michigan State has a couple of well known study abroad programs. At that time the two more popular trips were a summer break program to Australia and New Zealand and full semester program to Nepal. Most of my friends were interested in the Australia/New Zealand trip, but for some reason I was instantly drawn to the one in Nepal. I was fascinated by the pictures the professor would show in my World Agriculture class and I loved listening to Murari and Dr. Roberts talk about the trip. I decided that I would apply for the 1999 program.

It was a multidisciplinary trip so it was open to all students at MSU and encompassed all facets of Nepalese life. Any interested participants had to fill out applications and then go through an interview with the program coordinators. I was fortunate that two of the main coordinators knew me, as I had taken classes of theirs and had talked to them extensively about the trip. I found out shortly after my interview that I had quickly been accepted into the program. I was beside myself with excitement. My mom was thrilled to death about me going--I think she would have packed herself in my luggage to go with me if possible. My roommate and best friend was encouraging, although somewhat hesitant. My boyfriend, Kyle, appeared encouraging on the surface but I knew that deep down he didn't want me to go.

I should probably take a second to explain the boyfriend "situation" in a little more detail here, so it makes sense later on. Kyle and I had known each other since we were in High School through various school events. The first two years at MSU I was in a fairly serious relationship with another guy. Kyle would always tell me I needed to end the relationship so the two of us could go out. The beginning of my junior year we began dating and our relationship got serious quite quickly. At that time I could very easily see Kyle and I getting married after college. We casually talked about the idea while we dated. When we'd get married, where we'd live, etc. I knew that he was in more of a hurry than I was to make it official.

Preparations for the Nepal trip started early in fall semester of '98. Thirty-one students had been accepted to the program. We had language classes to help us prepare and we met periodically as a group to become more acquainted with one another. I knew a couple of people well, especially the girl who I would room with while there. Carrie and I were in the same major so we'd taken classes together already. Other than that, I didn't seem to mesh well with some of the others on the trip. Our interests seemed far too different from one another.

Mid-January '99 we embarked on a 28 hour flight, taking us from Detroit to Newark, Newark to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Singapore and then finally, Singapore to Kathmandu. We spent the first night in Kathmandu and were then quickly whisked away to the more laid-back community of Pokhara where we were introduced to our host families. The program coordinators had thought the students would gain more from the cultural immersion of living with families versus living in hostels. They were 100% correct about it too, we learned so much from the community we were in. We joked that we met on Monday and Tuesday we were loved like we'd been born into these households.

Our schedule was fairly simple--class 6 days a week, two lectures a day. We would spend most of our time in Pokhara but would take day trips to neighboring villages, week long trips to Kathmandu and Chitwan National Park and a trekking expedition in the Annapurnas.

The crossing of our paths shall come in the next installment...

March 6, 2006

Two sides to the coin

Friday's news of a friend's pregnancy filled me with hope and excitement. I truly am 100% happy for her. Her situation is one that I can relate to, to an extent. Both of our journeys have been long and arduous. Her news reinforces the fact that everything will work out; her news gives me hope and strength.

Today's news of a friend's pregnancy filled me with sadness and frustration. I sat at my desk, trying to cry quietly enough that no one would realize I was. Her situation is one that I don't quite understand or agree with for that matter. Why does it seem that those in less than ideal situations have no difficulty getting pregnant? Unfortunately her news makes me want to throw myself on the ground, screaming and kicking like a two year old in the midst of a horrible tantrum.

I hate these days and the person I've become.

March 5, 2006

Tip of the day

I discovered something incredible today. I have a tea kettle that gets that gross layer of sediment/deposit on the bottom of the pot. Well, I found the answer! Put two teaspoons of cream of tartar in about a quart of water, bring it to a boil and let it boil for about 5 minutes. Voila--clean as can be.

(P.S. I also then washed it out with hot soapy water to make sure that it was totally clean, but I'm fortunate enough to have a kettle large enough to fit my hand down in.)

March 3, 2006

It is a good day

#1 -- It's Friday, what more can I say.

#2 -- C took the dogs for a hike in the canyon; they will sleep all night.

#3 -- Two labs confirmed results my boss questioned. I can do my job correctly!

#4 -- I had the time to talk to 5 important people in my life.

#5 -- A great friend found out today that her first cycle of in vitro worked!!

What an incredible way to start the weekend.

March 2, 2006

Time has flown

I was sitting here looking through some of our digital pictures. The weekend before I got pregnant last March we brought Logan home. We gleefully sent an e-mail to all our friends and family, introducing them to the new addition in our household. Upon receipt of the e-mail, many thought we were announcing a pregnancy. Nope, just my not-so-little-anymore ball of fur and kisses.

This is where we started from a year ago...

Here's where we are now...

Gotta be Somethin' More

My mom asked me yesterday if I had thought much about what the doctor(s) told me about trying 4-6 months unmedicated. Truth be told, I have. And I haven't. Sometimes I feel like I'm sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich and ignoring what's been said. If I don't think about it I don't have to deal with it. At the same time I think that unconsciously I've realized that maybe what they said has some merit. I'll give it a go for a while and see what happens. Then if by summertime I'm still "without child" then I'll make an appointment and be the pushy, demanding person who my family knows that I really am.

This could all change very quickly if this first cycle turns out to be a bust. It's always easy to say things right now when you're at that "not knowing" stage. Am I pregnant? Did it work the first cycle?

In the meantime I'm trying to focus on some other aspects in my life. Looking back at all of my previous posts I get the sense that trying to get pregnant has taken over my life. Maybe it's time to work on some other aspects. C and I spent a ton of money on a trainer at the gym--maybe this would be a great time to finally lose all this extra weight. Spring is just around the corner--maybe this will be the year that we finally landscape the backyard.

And one good thing I thought of earlier today...the longer it takes me to get pregnant the less huge I'll be in my sister's wedding pictures in August! Plus there won't be any need to be concerned about flying to Michigan for the wedding. So maybe there is something good in all of this, today.