I thought that maybe after I was done working and could "ease" into my day that I'd start to feel better. Nope, that thought was wrong.
I thought that maybe after I was done working and could eat more regularly and have more choices (instead of just what I'd taken to work that day) that I'd start to feel better. Nope, that thought was wrong.
I thought that maybe once we moved out of Utah and got away from the heat that I'd start to feel better. Nope, that thought was wrong.
More importantly, I thought that maybe once we were moved out of the house and that stress was behind me that I'd start to feel better. Nope, that thought was also wrong.
I can't imagine dealing with this while having other children in the house. Even with my medication I was sick until almost noon today. I would drag my sorry carcass out of bed to throw up, rinse my mouth out and drag it back to bed. My poor dogs were stuck in their kennels in the basement because they kept barking to go outside and play. How would I handle taking care of another child while feeling this way? I couldn't even get out of bed this morning to iron C's clothes for work or make him coffee.
I've heard over and over again that it will get better soon; that I just need to get enough sleep and keep food in my stomach; that I'll forget about all of this once the worst has passed. I appreciate people trying to sympathize, I really do. I know that every pregnant woman has had to face their own struggles and can only use her experience as a reference. But at times I feel that it's very patronizing and it makes me feel like I'm being overly dramatic or exaggerating my symptoms and how I'm feeling. I apologize to those who have said such things--I'm not upset at you for saying them, I know that you're just trying to help. Unfortunately I'm getting to the point where I cringe when people ask how I'm feeling because I wish I could just say that I had a good day. More than anything I guess I'd just like people to say, "I'm sorry that you're still feeling so awful, I hope that tomorrow is a better day".
I know this sounds incredibly shallow and selfish. After 8 weeks of feeling like this I'm worn down and I'm aggravated. I'm tired of having to cover the broken blood vessels under my eyes because I'm been so violently sick. There are days that I sit on the bathroom floor and just sob because I don't know how much more I can handle (without C knowing any of this, of course). I don't know how many more days I have the strength to endure.
I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of feeling like I have to be strong and brave and plug on like nothing's wrong.