June 30, 2006

Employee #...

It's official.

I just got the call and pending a clear criminal background check I am officially an employee of the University of Idaho! It could take up to 10 business days for the government to complete the check so I still have a couple of weeks of "vacation" before real life begins again.


June 27, 2006

My Pregnancy, Week 19

How big is your baby?

Your baby has grown so much during these 19 weeks but is only 7 ½ inches long and weighs about 7 ounces. Don’t worry, he/she still has a lot of growing left to do.

What is happening with your baby?

While your baby is continuing to grow, the development that is occurring is very specific. For example, the kidneys are making urine, and hair is beginning to sprout on his/her scalp. The parts of the brain that are responsible for the senses are specializing. If you are having a baby girl, she already has 6 million eggs formed in her ovaries.

June 26, 2006

Turning bad days into good

One of the very first things that women do when they found out they are pregnant is calculate their expected due date. Besides staring incessantly at that 2nd line, freaking out in the bathroom, running to tell their significant other and calling their girlfriends, of course. That date becomes a magical, highly anticipated date that is ingrained in their memory. You wait with anticipation for the day that you'll hold your beautiful baby in your arms, smelling its sweet newborn scent and staring at its tiny features.

That date is one that you'll never forget. That magical anticipation changes drastically though when you suffer the grief and heartache of a miscarriage or a stillborn loss. That date is still one that you'll never forget but it takes on a whole different meaning. It changes to a date that fills most with sadness and trepidation. That date becomes a reminder of what they've loss. A reminder of the incredible joy that they should be experiencing. Many women that experience such a loss hope/pray that they'll be pregnant again by the time that due date passes, in an attempt to diminish the pain associated with that given day.

When I was pregnant in the spring of 2005, my due date would have been December 9. After I lost the baby in May I constantly hoped that I could find joy in that date. I hoped that I'd be pregnant again by that time. As the summer passed and I found myself putting more and more unsuccessful cycles behind me the depression mounted. December loomed in my mind like a dark cloud. I dreaded the Christmas holiday and the constant thought of how we should be celebrating with our families and the first grandchild.

The middle of October I found myself staring at two lines on a pregnancy test and filled with the relief that December would be easier to cope with. I knew that I'd still mourn the 9th but would be carrying a new life inside of me. I would still have that magical time with a newborn, although slightly delayed. Much to our dismay (and amidst the wonderful engagement news of both of my sisters) the pregnancy was lost and filled us with heartache as quickly as it had filled us with joy.

So now I was faced with two heartwrenching days on my calender: December 9th and June 22nd. I wanted so desperately to find a way to fast forward until fall of 2006. Pushing myself past the worst of the heartache and hopefully into a place where life was brighter.

The beginning of November brought the beginning of some of the most nerve wracking times to my life. Kristin began having the symptoms of pre-term labor and Miss Victoria threatened to make her appearance into the world, much earlier than anticipated. And desired. November saw Kristin in and out of the hospital, pumped full of steroids, antibiotics and medications to stop the contractions. Her strength and optimism gave me hope that I'd make it through December without too many bruises. During one of our many (almost daily) phone conversations I casually quipped that I had a due date in December that wasn't going to be used if she wanted it. We both brushed it off just as casually as it was mentioned, commenting that Miss V had better stay situated longer than that.

A phone call at about 3am (MST) on the 9th woke me from a dead sleep. It was the phone call that I had been hoping to not receive until well into the New Year. Victoria was here, born at a little less than 30 weeks and weighing slightly more than 3 pounds. Although her journey has been tough, Victoria proved to be stronger than any of us gave her credit for and she's now a constant source of smiles for me. December 9th turned from a dreaded day into one that will always be cherished. The birthday of my angel became the birthday of a beautiful miracle.

It occurred to me last Friday, the 23rd that June 22nd had come and gone and I hadn't given second thought to the sadness associated with the date. The birthday of my other angel is also the birthday of an incredible friend. All week long I looked forward to Kristen's birthday, constantly reminding myself I had to celebrate that day (although in spirit) for her. The past couple of weeks have been difficult for her and I've tried my hardest to be supportive and help her through the tough time. At one time she made the comment about how she thought she would be at such a different point in her life by the time she reached this birthday. I reminded her to look at the things that she had accomplished, to relish the good in her life.

In helping her, I helped myself. The 22nd came and went and I never paused for a moment to grieve over what should have been. I looked towards the future and what it holds, only looking back to see how far I've come.

For me, I've been fortunate that those dark days have been turned into such wonderful times in my life.

June 23, 2006

Things are starting to roll...

Celebrate good times, come on!!

Woohoo! Just got a call from C and his company finally made an offer on our house in Utah. We had agreed on a minimum price that we would accept from them. It roughly equated to what we purchased the house for plus the cost of the improvements we have done in the last 3 years--new roof, dishwasher, kitchen cabinets and fresh paint in all bedrooms and the kitchen. That way we would at least break even.

Get this. The offer from them came in at $13K more than our minimum. Granted, they want some deductions for things to get the house ready for FHA loan approval--new exterior paint, appliances (hehehe, we took all those), etc--but it's still WAY more than what we were figuring we would get.

Guess after all it really paid off to wait around for their offer!

Plus I found a house yesterday with real potential. It needs some new flooring in the kitchen and upstairs bathrooms, plus some finish work in the basement. It was nicely in our price range. This extra money would easily cover everything that I'd like to do.

Cel-e-brate good times, come on!

June 22, 2006

Restless nights

I think there are very few things that are as frustrating as lying in bed, wide awake when you're so exhausted you can barely stand up.

Okay, there probably are WAY more things that are just as frustrating. But when it's 2am and I'm staring at the wall for the second night in a row I could just about scream.

I don't know what my problem is. (Okay all you smarty pants, we know a few of my problems but I'm being rhetorical here...) I've started limiting caffeine after 3pm. Scratch that--I usually don't have any caffeine after lunch at all. I'm not going to bed until I'm physically tired, i.e. yawning on the couch. Not on any drugs/medications that would keep me awake. I haven't been eating anything spicy or greasy just before bed.

As soon as I lay down though, all of the sudden my fatigue disappears and the hours begin to slowly creep by. The past two nights I've laid awake listening to the heavy breathing of my three male housemates.

These restless nights make for long days and a cranky person. One who has very little attention span and an even shorter patience. So I apologize that I haven't responded to e-mails lately and occasionally let my cell phone ring until it goes to voice mail. Please know that I'm just sparing people undeserved crankiness.

Actually, I know what my problem is. I have a brain that runs a million miles an hour as soon as I try to close my eyes. Constantly fretting over things that I just need to let run their own course.

Anyone know how to shut that off?

June 20, 2006

My Pregnancy, Week 18

How big is your baby?

Your baby is now around 7 inches long and weighs 5 ½ ounces.

What is happening with your baby?

A protective covering called myelin is beginning to form around his/her nerves. This covering will continue to form up until your baby’s first birthday. If you are having a little girl, her fallopian tubes and uterus have positioned themselves into the correct place. If you are having a little boy, then his genitals may be noticed on your next ultrasound. However, many babies do not like to cooperate during the ultrasound, and the genitals cannot be seen.

June 19, 2006

Random ramblings

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. I know that I haven't been "around" in the last week or so--just plugging away. Trying to get through the days, hoping that relief is around the corner. So far no such luck.

I know that this may seem very random and I apologize but right now, it's the most efficient.

*As I mentioned, I'm still sick. Some days are better than others but some days still knock me flat on my butt.

*Still not feeling the baby kick/move. This could be due to my anterior placenta. Not freaking out too much yet.

*Our house in Utah still hasn't sold. Dealing with major hassles in that department.

*We're getting very frustrated by the timeline we're facing here in Idaho in regards to finding a new house. Until we know our other house is sold, we really can't begin looking seriously here. As much as we hate the though we talked last night about the possibility of renting again for a while.

*I still haven't started my job yet. I'm beginning to get very stir crazy being home all day long. I'm sure that it's not helping the way that I feel at all either.

*My dogs have turned into total monsters after living in this condo for 3 weeks. I'm about to pull my hair out and give the dogs to the first willing people.

That's about it around here. I wish that there was something more to update with.

June 13, 2006

My Pregnancy, Week 17

How big is your baby?

Your baby is about 6 ½ inches long and weighs 4 ounces.

What is happening with your baby?

His/her umbilical cord is not only lengthening but also becoming thicker and stronger for these last 23 weeks. Your baby’s sense of hearing is also developing since the ears have fully formed and moved into their final position.

Your baby is also beginning to form adipose or fat tissue. This will help him/her take on a more normal appearance by filling out the fine features that he/she has. Fat is important in helping regulate the body’s temperature and metabolism.

June 12, 2006

Scenic Tour

100 miles from our doorstep puts us here...

So yesterday afternoon we cruised through West Yellowstone, looking at really cool sights such as this...(hot pots)...

This...(they were right off the side of the road)...

and this...(Old Faithful)...

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

June 9, 2006

Life is so damned unfair

Okay, so I'm posting this technically without the informed consent of such friend. I just got an e-mail this morning that is absolutely breaking my heart. Although concise, my eyes were blurry enough by the end that I had to read the last few words twice to make them out.

It's just not fair. I want to throw myself on the floor and kick and scream like a two year old. I want to slam doors and scream and break things. More than anything though, I want to hug her and cry with her and let her know that I'd give absolutely everything I have (or could get ahold of) to change things.

I don't feel it's my place to give details. But many of you probably know what I'm referencing. If you do, swing by and let her know that you're thinking of her. Nothing is definite yet, but it's not looking good.

This stinks.

June 5, 2006

My Pregnancy, Week 16

How big is your baby?

By the end of week 16, your baby is approximately 6 inches and weighs 2 ½ ounces.

What is happening with your baby?

Your baby is preparing himself/herself for a growth spurt over the next several weeks. Your baby’s head is more erect now than it has been in the previous weeks of pregnancy. His/her ears and eyes are situated in their final positions. These three things are giving your baby a more “normal” appearance than he/she has had up to this point.

Several of the more complicated body systems are also beginning to function including your child’s urinary and circulatory system. Your baby’s heart pumps around 25 quarts of blood per day. However, by week 40 this amount will increase to 1,900 quarts per day!

June 3, 2006

Come on, how hard is it really?

The first couple of encounters with the movers left a fairly good impression. I thought the guys were efficient and pretty personable to have around. Much better than some that I've dealt with in the past.

As I begin to unpack I'm thinking that trained monkeys could have done a better job.

The company that hired C is allowing us to live in their company condo for 90 days. This allows us to get all affairs in order with selling our house in Utah and have some time to look for a new place. For the most part the condo is pretty well furnished--appliances, furniture, linens, basic kitchen stuff, etc. There is some of our stuff that we wanted access to though. Our clothes, work "stuff" for both of us and random stuff from my kitchen (i.e. cookware, cookie sheets, casserole dishes).

The movers dropped our stuff off on Thursday. As they unloaded all of our belongings into a storage unit (which was our solution to one of our logistical problems) I pulled random boxes aside to bring them to the condo. Hoping that the ones I grabbed would contain the items that we needed. If they weren't, I'm toast. Ideally I had wanted the movers to pull the heavy stuff off the semi first so they would go in the back of the storage unit. Stuff we wouldn't need access too, such as our appliances, the safe, our bedroom and living room furniture. Then the boxes could be stacked in front of that stuff. Organized room by room so we could access it if necessary. But the movers balked at my suggestion. Saying it would be too hard because it wasn't loaded room by room. So I allowed them to just randomly throw stuff (and stack it) in the unit. I'm feeling today that I should have stood my ground a little firmer.

Take for instance the one box that I unpacked last night, hoping to find one of my glass casserole dishes. The contents of the box was labeled "cookware" and marked that it was packed from the "kitchen". I laughed as I unpacked the box. It contained all of the following items:
  • 2 of the stereo speakers from our living room surround sound,
  • 3 cushions from our 4 chairs in our kitchen table,
  • picture frame from our living room,
  • picture frame from my craft room,
  • candles from the bedroom,
  • a box of wine glasses that was a wedding gift from C's parents,
  • a roasting pan.
Definitely sounds like cookware from the kitchen.

One of the wardrobes (big box that has a bar across the top, allowing the clothes to stay on their hangers) that was packed from my closet contained our electric blanket, C's tripod for the camera, shoes, yarn, sewing basket, clothes from the closet and other random stuff. All labeled "2nd bedroom clothes". Gotta love it.

I've already written one e-mail to the moving company detailing my dissatisfaction. The woman we were dealing with has already been warned that I will also be calling the beginning of the week to talk about this as well. I have a feeling that C and I might be unloading everything in the storage unit and repacking it ourselves so that we can find stuff. But yet, part of me has a sinking feeling that based upon the boxes I have unpacked, organizing the boxes ourselves will put us no closer to the things we need.