July 27, 2006

At a loss for words

Anyone who knows me on a personal level knows that I can be very "wordy". I can talk until you'd think I have nothing left to say, and then miraculously find something else that needs to be voiced. C laughs about the way I tell stories because I use about three times as many words and details as necessary.

It seems though that lately I've morphed into this person who has very little to say. Whether it be on this blog, on the phone with friends/family or via e-mail messages. It's not that I'm being rude or trying to give people the cold shoulder. I just don't have the ability to voice the things that I have bouncing around in my head. Not that there is much that is bouncing right now. Seems as though there's a lot of empty space up there.


I get asked often how "things" are going. Truth be told, "things" are about the same as always. I'm glad to be working but my days blend together with little differentiation. My day-to-day schedule is simple. Mornings are spent working on the computer and attempting to keep meals down. Lunchtime brings C home from work and another wave of nausea for me. Afternoons consist of a possible nap, a shower (if I find the motivation) and more work. By 5pm the worse of the nausea has passed, only to be replaced by heartburn. Evenings are spent watching tv, reading and wrestling with the ever present concept of "what to make for dinner". After a couple of hours of restlessness in bed, sleep consumes me--only to bring numerous trips to the bathroom during the night and the restart of this ritual upon daybreak.


I think that I've really bumbled some conversations with some friends lately. Two in particular, both of which had rough days yesterday. In my fledgling attempt to help I think I did more harm than good. Perhaps it was related to this empty space I'm carrying around right now and my inability to converse efficiently. Perhaps it was just...well, who knows...


I'm hoping that this will pass in time. Honestly, I really don't like feeling like I don't have anything to say.


Sami said...

As a friend who's put her foot in her mouth numerous times - I'm sure that your friends will understand. I hope you are able to find your "voice" so to speak. I look forward to a "wordy" email as well... you know me I love to read! Take care and hope the heartburn gets better... as for the nausea I hope it also gets better.

Kristen said...

I don't think you have anything to worry about, both with your friends or with your lack of words. I go through those stages to. I am not very often at a loss for words, but some weeks pass where I can't find ways to express my thoughts. I think it is a normal patrt of life. I am certain you will find your voice.

WendyLou said...

When I was on bed rest, no one really wanted to know "how things were". No one wanted to know of the nauesa, constipation, bordom, body aches, worry, heart burn, the like. They wanted me to say all was well.

I too lost my voice. Notice the absence of posts on my blog. I think I had so much time to process, typing or talking about it was pointless. It was weird, as I usually have tons to say about everything.

I'm not trying to point out a painful topic, but did you know we once shared a due date in common?

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