March 22, 2007


I'm not very good at making new friends. I never have been. I have a circle of "close" girlfriends that consists of a couple of friends from High School, a couple of friends from college, female family members and some girls I've met on the internet. These are the people that I turn to for almost everything.

Since moving into our house last fall I've met two women in the neighborhood. My direct neighbor and the girl around the corner. Both of whom have had babies since we moved in, giving us a commonality. Other than that, I just don't put myself into situations where I can meet new people. I don't know if it's an issue of shyness or laziness. I'm content with the friends I have--happy with the relationships I've formed.

Because of this, when something happens to change a friendship, my small circle of girlfriends gets even smaller. Over the last 12 years or so I've "lost" a couple of my good friends due to one reason or another.

When I was a senior in High School one of my best friends did something that at the time I thought was unforgivable. We literally went from having a sister-like relationship to not speaking to one another in a matter of seconds. I walked away from the friendship and never looked back. I saw it as her loss, not mine.

Over the years I've heard bits of pieces about what this person was doing.
My one sister was in contact with her brother; another friend of mine stayed in contact with her periodically. I knew that she'd moved away, gotten married, had babies, etc. More than once I had tried to look her up. Tried to find her email just so that I had it. Just in case I ever felt the need to get in touch with her.

A couple of weeks ago this person got in touch with me through a website that I frequent. I knew that she was on the same site as well but hadn't approached her. When she contacted me I was initially unsure about how to handle the message. Should I respond? Politely? Act like nothing happened all those years ago? Should I ignore the email and act like she never tried to get in contact with me? Well, I emailed her back. She apologize for what happened years ago and asked if we could start again.

C thinks that I'm being too easy on her. I think that 11 1/2 years have gone by and what happened in the past is just that -- in the past. We've both grown up, gotten married and moved on with our lives. After all these years I have an apology and she admits what she did was stupid and wasn't worth ruining our friendship over.

Why should I dwell on something that was probably a blessing in disguise (the act, not the loss of friendship)?


Anonymous said...

Now, you and your friend are adults, not late high schoolers and it seems she has matured enough to feel remorse for what she did/ how she made you feel. If you chose to re-acquaint your friendship, you might have a wonderful friend again :) If it doesn't work out, well then you know and you won't be left wondering. 11 1/2 years is a long time, there is all the chance she has changed for the better and if she hasn't, well you have enough control over your life to let it go :) Take care :D

Jessica said...

It's weird that you are writing about this, because I just was contacted by a former classmate also via the internet. I understand completely how you feel, I think it's good that you responded. It's not like you have to become best buddies, but at least you're talking again. I am one to stay guarded though, even if it had been that long ago. But that's the type of person I am. I'm glad she apologized to you...obviously she must have been bothered by what happened over the years.

It's also good that you're looking at the situation as a blessing in disguise. I'm a true believer that things happen for a reason, and you wouldn't be the same person you are today if this hadn't happened.

If this was me, I would stay in contact with her, but I probably couldn't get over what happened 100%. It would always be in the back of my mind...but people change as they get older. The friendship might blossom into something great with time, who knows....

Sami said...

You probably know my thoughts... I'd do the same thing that you've done already respond politely.. Maybe it would be a different type of friendship than before... hopefully it would be. I'm fairly certain of which friend this was and what the incident was - though I could be wrong of course. Ultimately you have the power to choose whether or not to dive into that relationship or just stick your toes in and if it doesn't feel right then that's your answer.

Nickie said...

It's a good lesson in forgiveness that you can teach your girl someday.

The voyeur in me wants to know what she did! LOL

Marz said...

Well, I think you did a right thing, of course I don't know what she did to you. Life is too short to hold grudges.