January 2, 2007


A 90 minute phone call with my boss this afternoon gave me no concrete answers, or any more direction, than what I had last week. If anything, I'm even more confused now than I was before. The only thing that has changed is that I'm no longer as shell-shocked. I've resigned myself to the fact that my job is going to change dramatically. I'll be working for someone new, focusing on perhaps a whole new area of expertise (and probably one that isn't as interesting to me) and changing my job description completely. None of which I'm particularly happy about. But he promises that he'll do whatever he possibly can to allow me to keep working from home. I guess we'll see what comes of the situation.

This whole thing has me so taken aback. Perhaps it was naive of me to assume that he'd never go looking for a new job. I suppose that I just hoped it wouldn't be until Baby K was a little bit older and I had a little bit of experience under my belt. This was my dream job. Working for a fantastic scientist/professor; working on the forefront of the research in this discipline; working from home; using almost all of the skills I learned in college. My main responsibility was to take all of the research he is so swamped with and turn the data into something useful. It was going to allow me to help him build his research program and pack both of our vitae with journal publications, awarded grants and meeting presentations. At least I figured it would be a solid, 3-5 year commitment that would be a huge benefit to both of us.

I feel like someone has pulled the rug out from under me. This perfect dream job, which appeared to be too good to be true, apparently has vanished in a cloud of smoke. I feel stupid and ashamed for making the decision to move to Idaho for this position. We sacrificed and altered so many things in order to make this job work for me. I'd waited on this specific opportunity for 3 years -- we'd talk about the two of us working together before I'd even graduated with my Master's degree. I'm mad at myself for not seeing it coming. And I'm extremely concerned about what the future holds.

There really isn't anyone else that I want to get involved with here. No one's research appeals to me the way that my boss' did/does. And I'm not willing to follow him to his new job (and still work from home) even though his new employers have agreed to that condition.

I feel like I've just been wandering around since I read his email last week. Hoping that it was all a bad dream and that I'd wake up and find that everything was still the same. That my dream job still existed in its entirety. But that's certainly not the case. This is not a dream. I just hope that some decisions are reached in the near future so that I can find my place again and not feel so lost.


Anonymous said...

oy vey. what a mess. I'm sorry that at this chaotic time at home with a new baby, for you to also have to deal with utter chaos at work too is just too much and not fair. I hate change, especially change I had/have no say about and didn't see coming. But, you might just find that things will work out even better than you can imagine right now. At least I sure hope so. Don't dismiss any option at this point, you never know what's around the next corner. Good luck.

Kristen said...

I think the whole thing just sucks. I wish that this would have happened differently for you. I just keep praying that the position they hammer out for you is one that gives you at least some of the opportunites that you had with Bryan.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry this had to happen to you, especially so soon after K was born. It is scary, but you have to look at it like it might be a stepping stone to something even better. I know it doesn't seem like that right now, but things will be okay. Worrying about things won't make the situation change unfortunately, but things will get better....especially when you least expect them to. Our thoughts are with you, C & K.