July 28, 2008

I'd Like to Buy Some Motivation, Please

Ever since my gallbladder surgery, my motivation has seriously been lacking. Before I got sick I was doing a really good job about trying to get myself in better shape. I had a goal with a friend to run a 5K in May.

From October through March I was going to the gym 5 times a week and making great progress on my running program. The first couple of months were a struggle. It's always hard to get into the routine of going to the gym regularly, getting past the part that sucks so badly at the beginning. A good part of that time (October through February) I was working with a trainer 2 nights a week. After my training sessions were over I was focusing on my 5K training. I had gotten so that I could run 2 miles without stopping; I actually liked to run. I know that to some people this seems trivial, but I am not a runner. I never have been. This was paramount to me. I was on a good track to run the 5K with Flying Monkeys in May.

Although I hadn't seem huge changes in either my weight or body measurements I could tell that I was getting stronger. I could see changes in my body, albeit subtle. My legs were getting stronger -- what jiggled incessantly at one time was starting to firm up. The flab was disappearing. I hadn't lost much in terms of weight (maybe 2-3 pounds total) but had lost some body fat and built up my endurance and strength.

Then it all went down the tubes. Perhaps the surgeon removed my motivation when he was fishing around in my abdomen. Had it attached itself accidentally to my gallbladder? I wonder if the pathologist found it in his analysis. For as much as they both (surgeon & pathology) charged my insurance there must have been more involved than just my lowly gallbladder.

After I got the go-ahead from the surgeon to start working out again I faced that uphill struggle of starting over. It's amazing what I lost in 6-8 weeks (between the time just before surgery where I was so sick and my post-op recovery period). I couldn't run more than 2 laps (0.5 miles) on the treadmill without hating life. But more importantly, I could barely drag myself to the gym 3 nights a week.

In an attempt to kickstart my motivation, I laid down the money and signed back up with the trainer. It has ensured that I'm at the gym 2 nights a week but hasn't done anything for my running motivation. I'm averaging 1 night a week that I go to the gym just to run. One night a week isn't squat. There's no way I can make progress with such little consistency and effort.


It had been my goal to run a 5K before my birthday. Even if I was to hit it hard now, I doubt that will happen as my birthday is only a month away.

Part of me thinks that because I had to sideline my running due to the surgery, and I missed that first goal of a race in May, that I don't have the same motivation. I'm sure part of is related to my running partner being sidelined due to an ankle injury. I haven't set any new race dates. I don't have a goal that I'm aiming for.

I keep saying that it will get better when the summer ends. That I'll have less to do when the days are shorter and the yard/garden doesn't require so much attention. That's probably all a load of bunk too. Knowing me I'll continue to come up with excuses.

Maybe my best motivation would be to sign up for a race. Pay my entry fee and commit myself to actually putting one foot in front of the other. In front of other people. People that actually run competitively and would secretly laugh at my sorry ass as I trudge my way through a 5K.

No better motivation than the potential to humiliate yourself in front of others. Right?


Kristen said...

I wish I had some motivation to sell you... problem is I have none either. Sorry that things have been so tough with getting back into the swing of it. Maybe the time of year and heat are not helping matters.

Kristin, Rod, and Victoria said...

I'm sure it's just that your motivation has been redirected. As shown by your garden and yard, it all looks beautiful. And although it's not a "workout", it's still a workout!

If it makes you feel better, I tried running/walking this morning and I think I could run for about a total of 60 seconds!

Flying Monkeys said...

That's the thing about runners who run for the love of running, they just care that you showed up not where you place. More often they are competing with themselves, not with anyone else.

One of us needs to be able to do it. My temptation is to ignore doctors orders and just go with it. They're going to need to be replaced anyway and when they are there will no running at all. Big no-no. I might as well use them while I have them.

It's too bad you don't go to our gym. We could go together.