December 4, 2008

Taking Requests?

As long as I can remember, I've always seen myself as "chubby".

Growing up I was usually a size or 2 bigger than my girlfriends. When many girls in High School could trade formal dresses for dances, my options were more limited as most things were too tight. As my sisters grew up I was envious of their weight. Both of them took after my Dad and were incredibly thinner than I was. When my Mom had to buy husky/plus sizes for me as a middle schooler, she was buying the thin/slim sizes for them. At an early age I took to wearing baggy sweaters and oversized t-shirts to cover the extra flab around my middle. In High School gym class I picked a back corner of the locker room to change in. Doing so as quickly as possible so no one could see my bare skin and laugh at me.

Clothing manufacturers have only helped to manifest this image. As clothing got more form fitting and jeans more tight the size I wore went higher and higher. I hated to shop for clothes and only did so when absolutely necessary. There was an episode in Provo once that made my head spin as I scrambled to get out of the dressing room and to my car with any dignity. It's hard to see yourself as even average when you're buying x-large shirts.

I'm finding that it's really difficult to change that mental picture I have of myself. It's a hard image to get out of your head. I think I could be down to a size 4 (which will never happen due to my body shape) and still think of myself as needing to lose weight. I'm beginning to fit into mediums now where I never could before. But old habits die hard and I grab the large and extra-large off of the rack to try on.

Requests have been made to post some before and after pics. For years I've tried to stay behind the camera, designating myself as the picture taker instead of the subject. I hate to see pictures of myself.

But I'll see what I can come up with.

Maybe.

5 comments:

Stinky said...

you're beautiful! I have always been envious of you since we were growing up. Remember who was always taking your clothes... :)

Jen Gray said...

You should definitely do before and after shots. I suspect you'll actually be pleasantly surprised and proud of yourself. You've come a long way, baby.

(However, I post pictures of my bald head on the internet so perhaps I'm a bit jaded LOL!)

marci said...

I'd love to see before/after pics, too.

BTW, I totally understand the whole size thing. I'm starting to freak out with buying mediums again and size 12 jeans. Size 12 - for me? Amazing.

Which reminds me, time for me to post an update (with pics). :)

Anonymous said...

It's funny to me to read your post because in college I was always jealous of you and wished I was your size...perceptions are a funny thing huh?
:)

Bean

texicaligirl said...

i admire your dedication!!

i wish i had any.

i would love to see pics of you before and after! i know you look amazing.

you have to remember that there is always someone who would trade places with you (size wise) in a heartbeat. even at my top weight (which happens to be my current weight), i know that there are others that would love to weigh what i weigh.

and i would love to weigh what you weigh!!

hugs!!