February 25, 2006

Wish I had more

My phone rang late last night. Late enough that I had a good idea who it was and I made a mad dash across the house to grab it as quickly as possible. Phone calls at that time of night (mind you it was late here and this person was calling from two time zones to the East, making it much later for her) always make me anxious as they usually mean something is wrong. The half hour I spent on the phone sent me through a roller coaster of emotions. All of which were directed at the situation not the caller. The initial anxiety subdued itself into frustration; frustration quickly morphed into anger; the anger spun wildly towards sadness. At the end the sadness melted into guilt. I felt as though by being this far away I've let this person down because I couldn't do anything more than to sit there and listen, quietly crying. I wish I had the answers, the sage advice that would fix everything.

Caller--I know that you're reading this. So many times I've wished that I could do much more than listen. I'm sorry that I'm so limited; at times I feel as though I've failed you as a friend due to these circumstances. Please know that I'm always here to offer what little I have, no matter what time of night.


Anonymous said...

It is I who feel guilty, not being there when you've needed me. You have always been there to listen when I needed someone to talk to, even when your own anxiety has been much greater than mine.

I am so proud of the woman you have become, much more than you will ever know. Stay strong.

Brigitte said...

You are such a great friend. How lucky we all are to have the internet and to have found you. <3